Hello WP fam! It’s weekend again!! I decided to make this week conversational based on the discussion I had with a friend of mine with 100% permission from her. I would be revealing people’s views, my own and would like to know what you also think.
While talking about relationships, one of my friends said and I quote, “I feel choked already, I have given him everything, changed all I could, I can’t even recognize myself anymore, I am becoming “miss nobody” for him, yet he still feels intimidated by me, sometimes bringing up unnecessary issues and turning it to a fights, I love him so much but what else does he want from me? What should I do? If it was you what would you have done?” as she turned to me for response.
Honestly, my first thought was, “what kind of a man would want you to lower your standards because of him?” I can’t remember exactly my words to her but my main point was that I can’t be with a man that expects me to lessen myself to elevate his ego or for him to feel comfortable enough with me.
It is normal for everyone to set a particular standards for themselves when it comes to any area of their lives including relationships just to put our search on a more focused and narrowed level rather than anything that comes our way and it must have taken time, effort and years to put together or reach that point.
Excluding those that set unrealistic standards for themselves, settling for what is lower than your standards is basically saying goodbyes to your happiness in some way and you stand a chance of remaining miserable and will be choked at some point in that relationship.
Here are views from my Facebook fam
Check for more comments https://m.facebook.com/abimbola.debbybaby?lst=100000488548428:100000488548428:1492521692&pn_ref=story&fref=nf&ref=bookmarks
Finally, if you have set a realistic and not movie or vague standards for yourself, put them first and let him meet those standards for your sake because you are so worth it. If he doesn’t want to, take to your heels. When the right guy comes you will be glad you did.
Is it true that if you don’t lower your standards, you will not be able to find a man because he will feel intimidated at some points? What’s your take on this? Have you had to lower your standards for someone you love before?
Xoxo
Somes Pic from Google images
If a realistic progressive standard is set by both sex, I advise a STANDARD COMPATIBILITY SEARCH (SCS); so as to ensure eternal joy, happiness, togetherness, glorious fulfilments and constant success.
Marriage is the communion of trueselves. And it is meant to be enjoyed as an imaginary garden of freedom and not of bondage. An externally inclined standard lowering most time might not be natural and could affect the trueperson of the individual involved. With patience, SCS will match you with the standard you will grow up with.
No good standard is permanent, but it is better to encounter and settle with personality that will raise your good standard than lowering it; otherwise, the purpose of existence might not be fulfilled at God’s own time.
In all, just ensure that your standards are reasonably realistic and accommodative for futuristic upgrowths. If there is a need for adjustment of standards for the sake of achievement of purpose, please do.
Be
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Hmmmm, well said and writing. Never heard of SCS, would research more on it. Thanks a lot for your wonderful contribution. At the end happiness and peace of mind is all we are seeking. Have a blessed week ahead.
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Hmmm…highly impressive and informative. Firstly, we should also have a forum for “If you love her, should you lower your standards for her”, with no intention to instigate any gender uproar, but I believe keeping that in mind would help us consider Shoe-Shifting as we make contributions.
To add, every relationship requires some level of compromise to work, or should i say “meeting-half-way”. Based on this, Yes. standards needs to reviewed to make relationships/marriages work. This review includes lowering or even raising them. The bible also said “if meat is good for you, but causes another to fall, abstain from it”. (This might not be a perfect text to use but it expounds on some level of adjustment one needs to make for others).
But most importantly, what are these standards.??, what are they based on?….But note, even some very good and justified standards people set, might also needs re-evaluation.
To respond to your question, YES, one might not be able to find a partner (be it male or female) because of one’s inability to curtail some standards. Not really because the person may be intimidated but because two cannot work together except they agree.
Thank you. Omobimi…*wink*. More grace.
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Thanks joe for reading and taking the time to comment.. I do get the angle you are coming from, your perspective was great to know and it was incisive. Whatever answer that is given for female can also be applicable to men. Compromise can be reached at some point but not at the expense of totally not know who you are anymore or becoming nobody.. I really appreciate…😃😃
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Very true some of this girls have shopping lists that tor idk who can meet! It’s a trivial topic for both male and female
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Yes it is nenkinan, thanks for reading and commenting, the long list kinda made me laugh.. those kind of people are after materialistic things alone then and am not sure that’s a good match for anyone.. have a blessed week.. 😃
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Lower my standards and expectations for a man? It depends. I can compromise.. but to a certain extent! To be fair.. some females can have very unrealistic standards with nothing to offer in return. Therefore one must humble themselves and set realistic standards.
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I agree with you vol, setting realistic goals is essential and we should always have something good to offer in our relationships. Thanks for reading and commenting 💘. Have a blessed week ahead
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You too babes❤
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It’s definitely a personal decision and noone can help the girl make it “better”. She got herself into it and she’ll have to find a way out of it once she notices she doesn’t like it anymore. (Which seems she did now) All you can do is to be there for her but from a personal experience it’s rather tough to make someone do the “right thing” (from our perspective). Many girls still stick to those kind of guys for some reason even if they don’t like the way they’re treated.
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I agree with you, she read all the comments people gave and i hope she is going to make the right decision for her own good. It’s totally her decision. Thanks newmoonplan for taking time to read my piece and commenting.. I appreciate 😃
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You’re welcome! I really hope she will
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💘💘
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Well, there are some things that we’ve got to put down. Marriage and relationships are like mergers, some things have to be put down for it to be smooth. He can’t take all your excesses and you cant take all of his. But sometimes, we let our pride get in the way,and we translate this flaws or misgivings of ours as standards. So if it’s reasonable enough, and justifiable, not demeaning or any of such, then it’s OK to
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True, flaws are not to be translated as standard, they are not same at all. Thanks for your point of view on this topic and most importantly, I appreciate you stopping by to read. Xoxo
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No, it shouldn’t be.
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Thanks suckodean for your contribution!
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